The Queen's Corgi ½ ☆☆☆☆ | Movie Review

Synopsis


Rex, the Queen's favourite corgi, gets lost outside the palace walls and ends up at a dog shelter. With new friends and a new outlook on life he must find his way back to her majesty's side.


Review


Oh bow-wow, what a dog's dinner of a film.

Rex has been the Queen's favourite corgi since Prince Philip gave him to her as a present. He loves slippers, the high life and being the centre of attention. But when he meets Mitzy, an over-amorous corgi, at a state visit he realises that being the centre of attention might not be all it's cracked up to be so he makes a daring escape. But things escalate quicker than he expected and he ends up in serious trouble after he accidentally takes a bite out of the big apple... or should I say plums?

He decides the best thing to do is leave and find a new home. London isn't what he'd expected though and he soon realises that appearances can be deceptive.

Where to start with this film?

There were some terrible choices made and I'm honestly very surprised that this a) got made and b) got so much British acting talent to star in it. I have to wonder if they even read the script before agreeing to it.

Let me tell you the two things that I actually liked about the film, both of which you see in the part during the trailers.

At the beginning of the film there's a fun montage of Rex growing up as a pup in the palace, then later we have another montage where he trains to be in the dog fight club (I wish I was joking). Those two scenes are fun and probably the least offensive things in the film, probably due to the fact that there's no real script.

So that's the good bits done. What is left is in no way the dog version of Secret Life of Pets that you'd hope for. If feels very much like someone misinterpreted the prompt "put some jokes in for the adults". I'm sure kids would watch this and not understand what's going on... and therefore enjoy it, but even so, I wouldn't take them to see it.

I can only assume that the writers have a deep dislike for America, think that all audiences want are an abundance of references to other films and TV shows, and want to be morally tested by content... because honestly, that's basically what you take away from it all.

When you see Trump in the trailer you hope for something amusing but even I was put off by the buffoonery. Yes, I know that might be accurate but it wasn't accurate in the real life ways, it was just a complete joke without being particularly funny. The repetitive nature of everything around him felt lazy.

I will generally watch a film and not notice things until I sit down and think about it afterwards, but even I had trouble with one part in particular. The Queen's Corgi switches it up a bit with the hot topic of unwanted sexual advances from men, and instead gives us unwanted sexual advances from women, more specifically... Mitzy. Mitzy the randy corgi is left with Rex to consummate the dubiously arrange match to help the UK/US alliance. They're shut in a room, Mitzy in her pink carriage and Rex understandably worried and trying to escape. Mitzy then proceeds to attack Rex in a scene that inexplicably keeps going. I just... I don't know.

The voice cast is an impressive selection of British talent, I did notice that there's a second set of actors on IMDb, I'm assuming that means that the American release has a different cast, much like Wonder Park did... I still don't get the point in that though.

Despite the star-studded cast I was disappointed with the performances, partly due to what they were having to deliver. There's a scene where Wanda, voiced by Sheridan Smith, sings as a warm-up to that dog fight club I mentioned earlier. Now, Smith is a good singer, so I find it unbelievable that the song is completely unrecognisable and truly awful, that had to have been a production choice, and yet another one I don't understand.

There are terrible lines of dialogue that genuinely don't make sense. One of which continues to bother me all this time later. The script is also littered with pop culture references, and while I appreciate little nods to things through a film we're presented with a cluster of them so close together that it just becomes frustrating.

Some of you may have seen me tweeting about someone eating spaghetti with their fingers during this screening, this debacle actually may have been better than the film.

Giving this a rating was difficult, I went back to last year's biggest bust of an animation (Duck Duck Goose) to check that score... I gave it 1 star. By comparison Duck Duck Goose seems like an epic masterpiece, at least that was just lazy and boring rather than offensive.

As an aside, when I went to see if I was the only one who was annoyed by this film (I wasn't) I noticed a few people say a dog was addicted to cocaine... I do not remember seeing that at all, but it honestly wouldn't surprise me if it was in there somewhere.

What you should do


Really don't bother going to see this film. There are much better things to see at the cinema right now as well as an excess of mediocre to brilliant titles streaming that are a better use of your time.

Movie thing you wish you could take home


Nothing. I am quite happy to have nothing from this film anywhere near me again.

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