Mega Shark Vs. Kolossus ★★ ½ ☆☆ | Movie Review

Synopsis


In search of a new energy source, Russia accidentally reawakens the Kolossus - a giant robot doomsday device from the Cold War. At the same time, a new Mega Shark appears, threatening global security.

Directed by Christopher Ray.
Starring Illeana Douglas, Amy Rider and Brody Hutzler.
Available currently on Prime to stream.


Review


Amendment to the shark rules, having "mega" in the title... *chef's kiss*

When the hunt for the power source known as Red Mercury takes a team to an underground bunker they accidentally awaken the giant doomsday machine that's been idle since the Cold War. While the Kolossus runs rampage a new megalodon is terrorising the coast... what will happen when the two inexplicably meet?

I will say that of the Mega-Shark "franchise" the best is Mega Shark Vs. Mecha Shark. It is obviously much more sensible having two things that are designed to be in the same environment battling together, a robot fighting a shark is epic... but a stretch. This duo does mean that it feels very much like two films, but honestly, the ridiculousness of this makes up a bit for that.

It does at last start with a super realistic submarine that's manned by a lot of women in tight pleather that doesn't look like it would offer any kind of protection against water or action. This is why we come for these films... the accuracy.

The acting is exactly what you'd expect from a shark film, probably something you'd rather wasn't on your resume. You've got all the stereotypes with all the cringeable moments and the actors don't do a bad job with what they're given.

There's a little issue right at the beginning of the film. When the team meet up outside the bunker there's an obviously pointless exchange to explain what's going on, two of the actors have subtitles. I don't have an issue with subtitles when they're needed, but while both the actors have accents in the scene they're actually speaking perfectly understandable English. It might have been a glitch on the copy I watched, I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt, but if it wasn't then I don't know what they were thinking.

When it comes to the shark scale this film is good because it has the requisite bag CGI, stupid storyline and classic quotes... the famous last words "No sign of the mega shark" and my personal favourite "...or you can die hiding under your desk searching for your balls." Glorious. Despite the amazing lines and the fact it's got a shark in it, the sheer impossibility of the pairing and the fact it feels like two films forced together makes it fall short of high marks.

What you should do


Realistically there would be several shark films above this in the list of recommendations, but as a back up if you're wanting something daft it's not bad if it's streaming.

Movie thing you wish you could take home


A giant robot.

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